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Me vs. the IBEW (translated edition)
Feb. 8th, 2007 10:37 pmThe setting: Early December, 2005, in the Jacob Javits Convention Center in the City, County, and State of New York. It's 11pm on the night before the INTEROP networking show opens, and the hall is almost completely set up, save approximately 50 ethernet cables that never got terminated by the Electrical Worker's Union. The union workers aren't around, and they won't arrive until an hour before the show starts, so I look around, don't see anyone, and start doing it myself. As it turns out, I was not alone.
Here is the conversation that transpired when I was discovered by a member of IBEW Local 3. I have translated it from Deep Brooklynese into Proper English.
Union Guy: Howyadoin'?
Good sir, though I have no doubt that you are completely aware of your actions, I feel compelled to point out that you are terminating ethernet cables on the show floor, in direct contravention of union rules. You have five seconds to explain yourself before I station my boon companions outside of this convention center, such that they may give you repeated reminders of the error of your ways upon your egress from the venue.
Me: I'm doin' what I gotta do.
Hail and well met! I bow to your powers of observation and keen insight on the matter you see before you. My sense of honor compels me to acknowledge that things are exactly as you see them, and I am indeed skirting around the edges of the strictures and regulations set before me and my fellow craftsmen by you and your comrades. However, whilst I acknowledge the greyness of my actions, I feel I must inform you that I am acting on behalf of the larger cause to which we all strive, and that it is only that now, in the most dire of circumstances, that I would consider risking the disapproval of your guild.
Union Guy: I thought Larry was gonna do 'dat.
Young master, I confess a small amount of confusion. To the best of my knowledge, my good friend and guild-mate Lawrence of Local 3 was supposed to be doing the work that I see you, an independent craftsman, performing in front of my eyes as surely as the ground seeks the earth. Surely, being a man of keen wit and goodly demeanor, you implicitly understand the predicament in which you have placed me as well as yourself. I beseech you for a satisfactory explanation for your actions, lest your actions beget other actions that may be somewhat more difficult to explain.
Me: Yeah, but'e didn't. So now I gotta do it, 'cuz itz gotta get done.
I feel that I must protest. I beg you hold, that I may properly elaborate upon my works. The agreement between our two houses reads that your guild would undertake all manner of work involving wires, cables, and other such devices that would allow for transmission of electricity, great and small. Indeed, I knew with great certainty that Lawrence was to perform the job that you see me doing in his stead. We both stand here, in this great and silent hall, with work that remains unfinished. My cables want for termination. The number of hours before the folk of this city descend upon this most glorious exhibition can be counted on less than a pair of hands. I know not where Lawrence is, and I fear that you do not either. My dilemma is as unenviable as it is inevitable. If I refrain from the work, and hew to the understanding between us, then the exhibitors who have paid no small amount of gold to display their wares will lack for the network that my house has promised them, and they will be most cross, indeed. If I continue upon my current path, the exhibitors will be mollified, yet I will fear for the wholeness of my form. Given this choice, I feel that I must stand firm and refuse your entreaties to wait for good Lawrence. Our houses differ, yet our trades are not too dissimilar in this way. Time runs away from us even still. The work demands its own completion, regardless of the hands that finish the task.
Union Guy: Yeah. I get it. 'night.
Well argued, man! Your loyalty to your house is to be commended, and in turn I will overlook this incident as if it is not happening, despite the advice of my senses. However, it is with the gravest import that I implore you not to draw precedent from this particular situation. I bid thee farewell, and may our paths meet again in more pleasant circumstances.
Here is the conversation that transpired when I was discovered by a member of IBEW Local 3. I have translated it from Deep Brooklynese into Proper English.
Union Guy: Howyadoin'?
Good sir, though I have no doubt that you are completely aware of your actions, I feel compelled to point out that you are terminating ethernet cables on the show floor, in direct contravention of union rules. You have five seconds to explain yourself before I station my boon companions outside of this convention center, such that they may give you repeated reminders of the error of your ways upon your egress from the venue.
Me: I'm doin' what I gotta do.
Hail and well met! I bow to your powers of observation and keen insight on the matter you see before you. My sense of honor compels me to acknowledge that things are exactly as you see them, and I am indeed skirting around the edges of the strictures and regulations set before me and my fellow craftsmen by you and your comrades. However, whilst I acknowledge the greyness of my actions, I feel I must inform you that I am acting on behalf of the larger cause to which we all strive, and that it is only that now, in the most dire of circumstances, that I would consider risking the disapproval of your guild.
Union Guy: I thought Larry was gonna do 'dat.
Young master, I confess a small amount of confusion. To the best of my knowledge, my good friend and guild-mate Lawrence of Local 3 was supposed to be doing the work that I see you, an independent craftsman, performing in front of my eyes as surely as the ground seeks the earth. Surely, being a man of keen wit and goodly demeanor, you implicitly understand the predicament in which you have placed me as well as yourself. I beseech you for a satisfactory explanation for your actions, lest your actions beget other actions that may be somewhat more difficult to explain.
Me: Yeah, but'e didn't. So now I gotta do it, 'cuz itz gotta get done.
I feel that I must protest. I beg you hold, that I may properly elaborate upon my works. The agreement between our two houses reads that your guild would undertake all manner of work involving wires, cables, and other such devices that would allow for transmission of electricity, great and small. Indeed, I knew with great certainty that Lawrence was to perform the job that you see me doing in his stead. We both stand here, in this great and silent hall, with work that remains unfinished. My cables want for termination. The number of hours before the folk of this city descend upon this most glorious exhibition can be counted on less than a pair of hands. I know not where Lawrence is, and I fear that you do not either. My dilemma is as unenviable as it is inevitable. If I refrain from the work, and hew to the understanding between us, then the exhibitors who have paid no small amount of gold to display their wares will lack for the network that my house has promised them, and they will be most cross, indeed. If I continue upon my current path, the exhibitors will be mollified, yet I will fear for the wholeness of my form. Given this choice, I feel that I must stand firm and refuse your entreaties to wait for good Lawrence. Our houses differ, yet our trades are not too dissimilar in this way. Time runs away from us even still. The work demands its own completion, regardless of the hands that finish the task.
Union Guy: Yeah. I get it. 'night.
Well argued, man! Your loyalty to your house is to be commended, and in turn I will overlook this incident as if it is not happening, despite the advice of my senses. However, it is with the gravest import that I implore you not to draw precedent from this particular situation. I bid thee farewell, and may our paths meet again in more pleasant circumstances.
