Liquefication

I primarily work with websites from commerce-related companies, which means that I get to see dozens of different approaches to website design, all in the hope of impressing me enough to make me buy something.

Well, not me, per se.... but whoever their target market might be. In a particular case from today, it was a website that was clearly meant to impress by making the most FACE-MELTING website possible. Not just any kind of FACE-MELTING website though, but one that was finely calibrated to unite every pixel in your browser in the sole pursuit of MELTING YOUR FACE. It was like someone from a large website consultancy had created a measurable and repeatable six-sigma quality metric geared towards providing an OPTIMAL FACE-MELTING EXPERIENCE.

I can see the checklist now:

subject has face (Y/N)?  ____
subject browses to website (check)?  ___
subject's FACE is MELTING (Y/N)? ___
   - note time to 50% FACE-MELT: _____
   - note time to 75% FACE-MELT: _____
   - note time to TOTALLY MELTED FACE ____
subject screamed (Y/N)?  ___
subject screamed just like that guy in Raiders whose FACE MELTED (Y/N)?  ___

Thankfully, my FACE did not MELT.
My paperweight is cowering in fear, though.
It's currently hiding behind the tea.
This might take a bit.