(no subject)

[mangosteen]

The window begins at six a.m.
You're up at five.
You slam the alarm, throw on clothing, kiss your sweetie and get in the car.

Five-fifteen.
Up just a few minutes before the rest of the world.
There's no one around but you and the early morning matte painting of gas stations and donut shops.

Five-thirty.
Someone just hit 'play'.
You can hear the turbines of the day spooling up around you, and you're almost there.

Five-forty.
You arrive. The caffeine is beginning to work, but you still need to recite the order of operations.
"Turn off the car, get out, open the trunk, get the equipment, find your card, walk to the door."

Five-forty-three.
Swipe, click, open, walk, swipe, click, open, walk, turn key, open, flick, flick.
Sit.

Five-forty-five.
Bring it all up. Press, turn, check, verify, read, review.
You're wired in.

Five-fifty-nine.
Thumb the switch. Wait for the chirp.
"Hello?"
...wait...
"We're here."
"Good morning, gentlemen. Ready when you are."

Six.

Comments

[redfishie.livejournal.com]

might i ask...window for what?

[arimathea.livejournal.com]

Network maintenance.

[mangosteen]

Coordinating several simultaneous instances thereof, to be precise.

[42itous.livejournal.com]

Sometimes I miss waking up early.

Reminds me of this song.

[kazmat.livejournal.com]

I would so much rather work the Sunday window than the Thursday one. Of course I'd rather not work either, but given the choice...

[mangosteen]

This wasn't a window per se, although I prefer early morning windows in general.

Nit-Picking

[feste-sylvain.livejournal.com]

I loved the writing; it captured the crisp essence of morning solitude.

I say this first because I'm about to nit-pick: at 5:15, you used the word "stasis" to refer to the few movements that were happening. Because I stumbled on this, I felt obliged to point it out.

I say this only because I want your next such description to be perfect. I look forward to it.

Re: Nit-Picking

[mangosteen]

Firstly, thank you for the compliment.

Secondly, I see your point, but I'm somewhat unclear how to depict the idea that, between 3am and 5:15am, there's really no movement on the streets at all. You see the lights from the gas stations and the donut shops, but you don't see any actual humans. It's a static tableau.

Re: Nit-Picking

[drwex]

I no longer see the word "stasis" and I agree that it's very nice. It feels like the start of a good slam poem.

Re: Nit-Picking

[lifecollage.livejournal.com]

"matte painting" is good, but not quite right. How about "early morning stillness"?

Otherwise, the poem, it is lovely. [beams pride]

Re: Nit-Picking

[lifecollage.livejournal.com]

Oooh, ooh, or "early morning still life"

Re: Nit-Picking

[skreeky]

"Still life" makes me think of fruit.

I liked "tableau" myself. Silent tableau.

[whitebird.livejournal.com]

Nice.

Matte painting certainly gives the impression that the background of the day is still there, even when the actors aren't around.