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Jul. 29th, 2003 11:49 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mangosteenSo the amount of vitriol that has been spewed in this thread is quite remarkable. Since I really don't feel like throwing more wood on the fire over there, I'm just going to speak my piece over here, and I can get flamed on my own merits.
Observation: New England standoffishness is a survival trait.
It's not rudeness, though it may be viewed as such. It's not paranoia, although that's a likely explanation to someone who doesn't know better. And ferchrissakes, it's not racism. It's just a completely different alignment of social priorities than what you see outside of the northern states, and New England in particular.
Why? Simple.
Observation: It gets cold in New England during the winter (and spring, and late fall.)
...which of course leads to the following.
Realization: If myself or others don't take care of me, it's going to get cold, and I'm going to die.
This, among many other things, tends to make you divide up the world into two groups:
1. People that will help me when the winter comes.
2. People that won't.
This makes New Englanders have pretty stringent criteria for friend-building, as well as the perception of familiarity. To wit: "Don't be my friend if you're not going to be my friend."
Example: A more down-to-earth example is the following. A friend's car breaks down at 3am on a major highway about 25 miles from where you live. They call AAA. AAA says that they'll take about 3 hours to get there (New England AAA sucks, but we knew that). Your friend then calls you, and asks if you can wait with them, or at least get them to someplace warm, while they wait for AAA to get there.
Let's say it's 8 degrees Farenheit outside. What do you do?
How about 72 degrees? What do you do then?
What if the region of the country you live in has the potential to go below freezing for 6 months out of the year? How will this carry over in what you would do (and who you would do it for) during the rest of the year?
This is not to say that "all friendships in other parts of the country are superficial". That's ridiculous. Rather, the bar is higher for the point at which someone in New England will call someone a friend, relative to the rest of the US, because of all the little things being a friend entails.
There's a lot more, but I'll leave it at that for now.
Observation: New England standoffishness is a survival trait.
It's not rudeness, though it may be viewed as such. It's not paranoia, although that's a likely explanation to someone who doesn't know better. And ferchrissakes, it's not racism. It's just a completely different alignment of social priorities than what you see outside of the northern states, and New England in particular.
Why? Simple.
Observation: It gets cold in New England during the winter (and spring, and late fall.)
...which of course leads to the following.
Realization: If myself or others don't take care of me, it's going to get cold, and I'm going to die.
This, among many other things, tends to make you divide up the world into two groups:
1. People that will help me when the winter comes.
2. People that won't.
This makes New Englanders have pretty stringent criteria for friend-building, as well as the perception of familiarity. To wit: "Don't be my friend if you're not going to be my friend."
Example: A more down-to-earth example is the following. A friend's car breaks down at 3am on a major highway about 25 miles from where you live. They call AAA. AAA says that they'll take about 3 hours to get there (New England AAA sucks, but we knew that). Your friend then calls you, and asks if you can wait with them, or at least get them to someplace warm, while they wait for AAA to get there.
Let's say it's 8 degrees Farenheit outside. What do you do?
How about 72 degrees? What do you do then?
What if the region of the country you live in has the potential to go below freezing for 6 months out of the year? How will this carry over in what you would do (and who you would do it for) during the rest of the year?
This is not to say that "all friendships in other parts of the country are superficial". That's ridiculous. Rather, the bar is higher for the point at which someone in New England will call someone a friend, relative to the rest of the US, because of all the little things being a friend entails.
There's a lot more, but I'll leave it at that for now.
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Re: No doubt in my mind...
Date: 2003-07-29 02:20 pm (UTC)I agree with the majority of your post, up to there.
I've lived in the South (and the West Coast, and East Coast; now New England), as well as lived with someone who was from the South, and I've heard this person say on numerous occasions of something being "the right thing to do" - and more often than not, overextending themselves just so they'd 'do the right thing'. People from New England (in this person's perception) seemed to be more of the "do what's best for me" mentality. (which makes me wonder why they cant get along with West Coasters as much! must be all that tanning. :))
As for the 'mobility' part of your statement, I'd disagree; as this area of the country seems (to me, and a few friends I'd mentioned to) to be populated by people from here who may move away - but they always come back.
(and fwiw, I didnt see the strip - I dont think it loaded propoerly on my machine)
Re: No doubt in my mind...
Date: 2003-07-29 06:00 pm (UTC)I am from the South, and I constantly measure my actions by what I feel is the "right thing to do". And I've grown very conscious of the fact I am doing it, because all of my native Boston born or else-where born friends behave differently. If they come across a situation, they see it in the light of mutual interests. I look at it and weigh it on a completely different balance... trying to figure out what the most "respectible" thing to do is. Not like my landlord or employer would ever care. I don't see it is better than what my friends do, but I insist that it isn't foolish.
It is like when I went down to south Georgia for my grandmother's funeral some years back. Although the city is kinda small, it is still the fifth largest city at the time in Georgia. As the funeral procession of cars snaked its way through the city, it went on one of the major highways, and I was shocked -- in the lane going the other direction, people actually pulled over onto the grassy curb, got out of their cars, and stood their solemnly. They didn't know my grandmother, and I am certain they did it with sincerity. I've never seen anything like that up here.