Things I must not do.

[mangosteen]

Calm, Eli. Stay calm.

I must not get the vendor's support person on the phone, reach through, and choke the living shit out of them, while saying "THIS CASE IS CLOSED WHEN I SAY IT'S CLOSED. NOT YOU. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME, YOU BUTT-PUSTULE?!?!?!?!?!?!?"

Futhermore, I must not say "Thank you EVER SO FUCKING MUCH for sending me the whitepaper on how things should work, you THRICE-DAMNED SON OF A DISEASED JACKAL. Just in case you haven't noticed, SEÑOR FUCKNUGGET, things AREN'T FUCKING WORKING. Jusitfy your existence NOW, CRETIN!"

Similarly, I must not drive to their corporate headquarters, and impale the support person on a Painful Buggering Tool of my choosing.

In this case, I must not use a concertina-covered, curare-encrusted Sawzall, complete with cinnamon oil dispensers, anonymous pubic hair, and several knobs to control SPEED, THRUSSSST, and FEEEELIN' , all accompanied by a fifty-person choir singing "Dies Irae" during the insertion process.

Comments

[marrus.livejournal.com]

I love it when you stay calm...LOL!

[d3l1r1um.livejournal.com]

Oh wow, that's the best use of an LJ cut I've ever seen.

[xthread.livejournal.com]

Um, not to be snarky, but what is the compelling reason to Not Do all of this? I wanna sell tickets, man...

[sesquipedality.livejournal.com]

That had a subtle and exquisite beauty all of its own.

[sunspiral.livejournal.com]

Yes, but how do you really feel about Customer Support?

[ceo]

I hereby nominate this post for the kjc007 & rmd Memorial Broken Galliano Bottle with Poison Oak Leaf Clusters.

[sauergeek.livejournal.com]

Hear hear!

[marmota.livejournal.com]

Galiano. one 'l'. By the way, "Broken Galiano Bottle" is a googlewhack with it's lone hit of course being in apocalypse.org/pub/u/kjc.

[tisiphone.livejournal.com]

Wow, you don't want to hold in that kind of rage. Go on, let it all out.

[bitty.livejournal.com]

Whose Dies Irae?

[metalfatigue]

Me, I'm guessing the one from Mozart's Requiem, but that may be because it's the only recording I have of a choral setting of the Dies Irae.

Anyway, it's a great image. Next time I'm imagining forcibly sodomizing some useless tech-support excrescence with power tools, I will definitely include a backup band.

[bitty.livejournal.com]

i keep hearing the Verdi. it sounds angrier.

[bedfull-o-books.livejournal.com]

Andrew Lloyd Webber has one too. Pretty good, considering. Very percussive and would be a great piece to use as a background to mayhem.

[redcountess]

Oh, I thought you meant the house's vendor!

[bethr.livejournal.com]

I laughed aloud. Thanks for your vitriol.

[arimathea.livejournal.com]

Would you care to provide the SR number so I can chastise this fuck properly?

[mangosteen]

While I truly appreciate the offer, I am pleased to inform you that it's no one on your side.

Much smaller vendor. Their corp HQ is in trivial driving distance.

[doeeyedbunny.livejournal.com]

Wow.
I'm going to print that up and put it next to my work phone. In a folder, of course.

[madbodger.livejournal.com]

I love you man. You are the wind beneath my wings.

[lusercop.livejournal.com]

There is nothing like music to get your point across. In my recent last job - I had to ring BT for clarification of something they sent me (it turned out that they shouldn't have sent it to me in that form), and while I was on the phone, I heard one of their engineers' mobile phones ring. The ringtone: The Muppet Theme Tune. I had to suppress laughter. But writing this while listening to the Verdi Requiem, I hope it was the Dies Irae from that! :-)
(oh, and you should come to the EJC - having just been to the British, I think the European will be really worth going to!)