Got a phone call from the utility company.....

[mangosteen]

*ring*

*ring*

"Hello?"

"Am I speaking with Elias Mangost-- um, stein?"

"Yes, MangostEEn. This is he. Who are you?"

"Hello, this is Jenine from Boston R&S, your local groove thing utility."

"R&S?"

"Rhythm and Soul, sir. Your groove thing providers."

"Ah. Don't recall having an account with you."

"Well, your account has been dormant for over 30 years, which would explain why you'd forget, but you've had an account since you started shaking a rattle to the sound of Space Songs. We took over the account from NY R&S".

"I see. So, um, what's the call for?"

"Well, sir, we saw an unusual demand for groove things from you on Sunday night, specifically that you were shaking your groove thing repeatedly, driving up local demand. It was quite unusual for someone of your... profile."

"You mean a heterosexual white guy?"

"...we prefer to call it our 'primary low-use demographic', but yes, sir."

"Well, I *did* decide after 30+ years that I really didn't care what I looked like on the dance floor, I was among friends who didn't care either, and it seemed like a good idea. Bopping and shaking and bumping and grinding to a bunch of 80s and 90s tunes. Sweaty and happy and wonderful. Good stuff. I'll have to do it again sometime."

"That may be, sir, but we weren't even seeing typical usage for those in your profile who do shake their groove thing on a regular basis.

"Yeah, never did like the overbite thing. Looked too.... you know."

"White, sir?"

"Yeah."

"Anyway, sir, since we now know there was no fraud, you should be expecting a bill from us in the mail soon."

"Huh?"

"These things cost money to provide, sir. Distribution, generation, etc. Do you have any idea what a 400 Megafunk line from the Mothership costs?

"Good point... but, um, don't I have any in reserve?"

"Reserve?"

"You know, like 'rollover groove things' or something? I mean, I haven't shaken my booty on the dance floor in over 30 years... I have to have *something* stored up... like credits for conservation or something."

"Hm. One second... (clickety-click). I'll tell you what. You actually provided us with a lot of entertainment down here at the office. We had no idea what was going on that would cause the usage meters to go crazy in that part of downtown on a Sunday night. I'll apply a credit to this bill for... hm... 'billing error'. No one is going to believe that it was just you.

"Even if there was photographic evi--"

"Sir, this is a recorded line."

"Ah! Oh! Nevermind. Nothing. Tra la la."

"We're very sorry about the billing error, and it has been corrected. Thank you for using Boston R&S. Have a nice day, sir."

"You, too. Goodbye."

---

Hm. Time to learn some off-grid groove generation methods. I've heard dancing more helps.... been meaning to do that anyway.

Comments

[woodwardiocom.livejournal.com]

[amusement]

heh.

[wolfkitn.livejournal.com]

it's either really bad (or really good, and i'm not sure which one) when you know who posted the post based on the *subject* line alone. *grin*

Re: heh.

[mangosteen]

Heh. What gave it away?

[fj.livejournal.com]

Next time, just drop my name, tell her I undersigned the account. Should short-circuit the call in no time.

But build up that account anyway. Itis good for you.

[pinkfish.livejournal.com]

This is very odd. Usually groove thing accounts are not payable in cash, but it is taken out of your body in aches and pains over the course of the next few days.

And rather than giving you a break for years of making no withdrawals, they usually penalize for it.

You het white guys can just get away with anything!

[redcountess]

This is very odd. Usually groove thing accounts are not payable in cash, but it is taken out of your body in aches and pains over the course of the next few days.

Hoo yes, or the meter's broken so one doesn't get any supply at all!

Love the White Man's Overbite thing, one of my favourite lines from WHMS :-)

[mangosteen]

WHMS?

[mizarchivist]

When Harry Met Sally
And CCAE has been good to me on the dancing thang. I highly recommend, if you want structured instruction :) My Spousal Unit and I have been having grand fun with the latin side of the groove.

[redcountess]

When Harry Met Sally

[mangosteen]

This is very odd. Usually groove thing accounts are not payable in cash, but it is taken out of your body in aches and pains over the course of the next few days.

Actually, I've heard that if you fax them a valid Certificate of Daily Morning Calisthenics, as well as Proof of Ibuprofen Before Sleeping, you're given a price break.

[bluepapercup]

"How do I shake my groove thing?"

"Elias, use the force."

"But which side? The light side or the dark side!?"

"The funky side."

[the-gwenzilliad.livejournal.com]

Hee!

I miss you. When I'm back in London, you must come to London too.

[weegoddess.livejournal.com]

I am sooooo sorry I missed the Shaking of the Groove.

[sigh]


I'll just rely on imaginings...nope. Not sufficient. Do it again when I can WATCH.

[sunspiral.livejournal.com]

::laughs:: That's far better than the utility calls that I get.

[whitebird.livejournal.com]

That provoked much amusement in me.

[ruthi.livejournal.com]

Yay dancing!

[kalimar.livejournal.com]

After my morning, it was nice to read this.

[rmd.livejournal.com]

now i'm picturing a callcenter person calling you from the belly of the p-funk mothership as shown in "muppets from space" (so it's full of critters that look like gonzo dressed in wild space outfits). with a headset.

[redcountess]

Not Gonzo, Doctor Teeth and the Electric Mayhem Band, with George Clinton as special guest wearing the headset over his dreads :-)

[redcountess]

Erm, of course I realise that the mothership is George's anyway, so lets say he's patching the call himself :-)

[fes42.livejournal.com]

But I thought I had to beware the groove? Now I can buy it?

[sauergeek.livejournal.com]

Groove(d) pavement ahead!

[chanaleh.livejournal.com]

Regular dancing is an excellent way to build up your internal (or is that "domestic"?) groove reserves.

[mangosteen]

IHNJ, IJLS "Domestic Strategic Groove Reserve."

[jss]

Is "Domestic Strategic Groove Reserve" a red, white, or rosé? It's important to know since both the temperature thereof and the shape of the glass are important at time of service.

[mangosteen]

A very astute observation, sir!

"Domestic Strategic Groove Reserve" is a red. Specifically, a Shiraz/Cabernet blend. Big, fat, bold, served warm, (obviously) with a wide-mouthed glass.

[jss]

Obviously.

[xthread.livejournal.com]

That reminds me... joining me for Orycon again this year?

[mangosteen]

Yup. I'm actually quite looking forward to it, especially now that it will be in downtown.